| 29 July |
Becoming a Skillful Sailor |
“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.”
African proverb
This quote just appeared in my inbox on one of the many inspirational emails I get. As I read it, I am sad that it is true.
As I write, I am living in the aftermath one of the most traumatic events that I have experienced. More traumatic than my father’s life, and ultimately suicide; more angst-ridden than my late teenage years; an event that has left me functionally as a single mother, taken one of my children, deprived the others of their father’s presence for the foreseeable future.
This experience, which ironically began on April 1st, is no joke. I keep expecting to wake up and find it all a terrible dream, but unfortunately every morning I wake only to the ongoing sadness.
I ask God, did it really need to be this? Was there really no other way to achieve Your will in my life? Could you not have offered some supernatural protection? And then, when I think of all my pain, and the pain of my children, and the pain of my family, and realise that God feels this way about ALL of His children that are in pain I ask Him, how on earth do you cope? With 6 billion people on the planet, all of whom are so dear to Him, and with so many experiencing bitter, bitter pain on any one day, how are you not driven insane? How can you think past the pain?
Of course, He is God, and his almighty-ness is not hampered by such human concerns, but nonetheless… what a concept that he would feel this amount of pain on such an enormous scale.
There is so much sadness in this world. Yet, I have been fortunate. I have escaped a great deal of the sadness. The past four years I have felt content in my marriage, my church and friends, and with God. I have been happy. I have my children – they make me smile, they look after me, they love me.
Today has been a hard day, and this morning they caught me crying, and so at bedtime both of them, individually, told me that if I found myself crying again I should come to them… or else go to YouTube and look up a High School Musical 3 song to cheer me up 
.
And at the same time they are hurting. While I sit here writing, one of them is singing “Jesus loves meeeeee… He will help me feel better, better, better, when I’m saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.”
And so, what do I need to become skillful in? Well, patience for one thing. Patience with little people who really are not out to get me when I’m having a bad day. Gentleness, not to take out my frustrations (mostly with myself for not being better organised so that now I didn’t have to rush to get something done) on the children. I know they don’t really do “get organised quickly”.
Gentleness is so hard to do. Another quote has just drawn my attention…
I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.
Leo Rosten
I think that is right. Gentleness is difficult to do. Only a strong person can do it … a skillful sailor.
Letting go is another thing that I need to become skillful at. Letting go of expectations, even “reasonable” ones… reasonable they may be, but I have no way of making them happen, so why try to control them? Letting go of trying to influence – even in a positive way. There are times we are called to exhort and encourage, but sometimes we do it not for the other person, although we will tell ourselves that is the case. Often we do it to manipulate, to inflence, to “encourage” someone to take a chosen path – OUR chosen path – for them. It may well be a great path, even a Godly path. But if there is any selfishness in us, then we sin. We do it for ourselves, not for the other person, or for God.
So… if I must experience this pain… if tears must roll down my face simply because I see my children sing an Abba song… or simply because they do… well, let me become a skillful sailor through the experience. Because I am damned if I am going to experience this, and not come out better in the end in SOME way.
| “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” | |
| African proverb | |
To overlook or not overlook, that is the question. |
If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If that person listens, you have won back a follower.
But if that one refuses to listen, take along one or two others. The Scriptures teach that every complaint must be proven true by two or more witnesses.
If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church. Anyone who refuses to listen to the church must be treated like an unbeliever or a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
I have been determined for the past few years to sort things out properly. If I had a problem with another person, I would try not to gossip about it to others, but instead simply approach the person and discuss the way I felt ’sinned against’.
Don’t hold grudges. On the other hand, it’s wrong not to correct someone who needs correcting.
Leviticus 19:17
However, recently I have met with a dilemma. What do you do when someone seems blind to how their actions affect another person?
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet. Proverbs 29:9
Fools think they know what is best, but a sensible person listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15
All who refuse correction will be poor and disgraced; all who accept correction will be praised. Proverbs 13:18
A sensible person accepts correction, but you can’t beat sense into a fool. Proverbs 17:10
Fools have no desire to learn; they would much rather give their own opinion. Proverbs 18:2
Regardless of how often they are approached and the problem explained, it seems to always be attributed to a communication breakdown, or “everyone else”. No change results from any of the confrontations. What then?
Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words. Proverbs 23:9
It would seem that the solution is simply to ignore them. To no longer correct them. To leave them to their own stupidity.
I have had such a situation in recent times. Spending time on speaking wisdom to a person who sees themselves as a “good” Christian – yet who has time and time again done unwise things, that have hurt other people. But to just ignore the person seemed… well, mostly it seemed as if I wasn’t following my own counsel of confronting the person and trying to “gain a brother”.
However, there is another way to look at it.
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11
“it is his glory” – literally, it is an ornament to him, he is adorned in honour and glory, who chooses to overlook an offense.
To “overlook” means to ignore, to shut one’s eyes to, to pardon. No grudge is kept, the offense is completely forgiven and pardoned.
Another meaning of “overlook” is to view from above, and in a very real way, pardoning or forgiving an offense where there is no remorse or repentance, or even knowledge or understanding of the offense by the offender, can only happen when the forgiver is in a ‘high’ place – a place of confidence and strength. And confidence and strength comes to those who place their trust in the Lord.
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble… Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. James 4:6, 10
The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10
We need not build walls in our hearts to protect ourselves, for the Lord IS our strong tower – we need only to humble ourselves to him, acknowledge that it is Him alone we live for, and that the opinions and hurts of others are irrelevant.
He gives us grace to overlook – and with grace, He also gives peace.
| 10 July |
Life is hard… |
Ecc 8:6 Life is hard, but there is a time and a place for everything,
Life is hard. It goes through ups and downs, “swings and roundabouts”, but it is essentially hard.
But there is hard, and there is really hard. I find responsibility hard, but I find making choices that other people don’t like *really* hard. I find raising children hard, and I find balancing the egos and hurts and preconceptions of parents and siblings *really* hard.
I find pastoring my flock hard; I find pastoring those who would be leaders *really* hard.
I find leading without complaint hard. I find following without complaint *really* hard.
Thank God, I don’t have to be more than I am.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2Co 12:9-10