Joy of the Lord is my Strength
Today’s post started as a comment to my dear friend Paula over at her Sharing Spot. And then it grew way beyond a comment, so I decided instead to post it here instead (and she can just come over here and read it
)
Something I have noted in the last little while – as we turn to Him more and more, and our confidence grows, there is a certain undercurrent of positivity that never leaves, no matter how great the hurt, or apparent the emptiness.
And I think I have worked out what that undercurrent is… Joy in the Lord.
There is no exuberance, no “happiness”, no “gladness” in my situation. But there is a certain resilience, a hope that is more sure than hope, a confidence that is not in things seen, but things unseen… a confidence that has built up over past experiences of turning to Him, and finding Him always there.
It is a strange sensation – I perceive it as a rod of steel through my bones. Which sounds peculiar, as a rod of steel feels cold and impersonal, not at all like you would anticipate joy to feel. And yet that is how I “see” it. I think it is the strength of such a rod of steel, straight and unbendable – it is this characteristic that I sense in my joy. Completely embedded. Supporting my frame. Unable to be removed, or distorted, because it is such a core part of me.
I am not without my doubts. Is this how true joy feels? I don’t know. I know that it doesn’t save me from pain. In fact, I seem to be most aware of it most when I am suffering my deepest pain. Neither does it save me from moments of doubt or indecision. All I know is that it is “good”. Perhaps over the coming days I will more clearly identify what it is, this sensation, this knowledge, this truth.