To overlook or not overlook, that is the question.
If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If that person listens, you have won back a follower.
But if that one refuses to listen, take along one or two others. The Scriptures teach that every complaint must be proven true by two or more witnesses.
If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church. Anyone who refuses to listen to the church must be treated like an unbeliever or a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
I have been determined for the past few years to sort things out properly. If I had a problem with another person, I would try not to gossip about it to others, but instead simply approach the person and discuss the way I felt ’sinned against’.
Don’t hold grudges. On the other hand, it’s wrong not to correct someone who needs correcting.
Leviticus 19:17
However, recently I have met with a dilemma. What do you do when someone seems blind to how their actions affect another person?
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet. Proverbs 29:9
Fools think they know what is best, but a sensible person listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15
All who refuse correction will be poor and disgraced; all who accept correction will be praised. Proverbs 13:18
A sensible person accepts correction, but you can’t beat sense into a fool. Proverbs 17:10
Fools have no desire to learn; they would much rather give their own opinion. Proverbs 18:2
Regardless of how often they are approached and the problem explained, it seems to always be attributed to a communication breakdown, or “everyone else”. No change results from any of the confrontations. What then?
Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words. Proverbs 23:9
It would seem that the solution is simply to ignore them. To no longer correct them. To leave them to their own stupidity.
I have had such a situation in recent times. Spending time on speaking wisdom to a person who sees themselves as a “good” Christian – yet who has time and time again done unwise things, that have hurt other people. But to just ignore the person seemed… well, mostly it seemed as if I wasn’t following my own counsel of confronting the person and trying to “gain a brother”.
However, there is another way to look at it.
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11
“it is his glory” – literally, it is an ornament to him, he is adorned in honour and glory, who chooses to overlook an offense.
To “overlook” means to ignore, to shut one’s eyes to, to pardon. No grudge is kept, the offense is completely forgiven and pardoned.
Another meaning of “overlook” is to view from above, and in a very real way, pardoning or forgiving an offense where there is no remorse or repentance, or even knowledge or understanding of the offense by the offender, can only happen when the forgiver is in a ‘high’ place – a place of confidence and strength. And confidence and strength comes to those who place their trust in the Lord.
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble… Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. James 4:6, 10
The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10
We need not build walls in our hearts to protect ourselves, for the Lord IS our strong tower – we need only to humble ourselves to him, acknowledge that it is Him alone we live for, and that the opinions and hurts of others are irrelevant.
He gives us grace to overlook – and with grace, He also gives peace.